كن أنت

لَا لَا

لَا نَحْتَاجُ الْمَالَ ، كَيْ نَزْدَادَ جَمَالًا

جَوْهَرْنَا هُنَا ، فِي الْقَلْبِ تَلَالًا

لَا لَا

نُرْضِي النَّاسَ بِمَا لَا ، نَرْضَاهُ لَنَا حَالًا

ذَاكَ جَمَالُنَا ، يَسْمُو يَتَعَالَى

Sounds familiar huh? No, no. This entry is definitely not about that song, Kun Anta by Humood Al-Khuder.

Bissmillah, assalamualaikum.

So, what I actually wanted to write in this entry is about my thoughts on the phrase kun anta, be yourself.

I've always heard people saying, 'you don't have to be concerned about the others, just be yourself,' whether publicly or privately to me. I remebered in a voice message sent by a friend on my birthday last year, aside from prayers, towards the end of the message he(disclaimer: yes it's a he, one of my guy friends from PBT whom I considered as a good friend of mine) also said 'yang penting, be yourself.'

From what I see, people even I myself say those to prevent ourselves or the others from being influenced by the standard of the others especially if it'll affect ourselves negatively. Plus, when saying 'be yourself' there's another meaning behind that phrase which I think is to appreciate ourselves and to keep the originality as it is.

But I don't know why lately when I'm in some kind of dilemma or when I can't do something properly, 'haissh penat lah jadi Hanan ni,' is what came to my mind. 

It's like I'm tired of being myself. I don't even know what I really want. There are times when I want A, but then a few seconds later I want B. Then, I'll have like a 'mind war' with myself to decide about it. If I'm lucky I might be able to get a decision but if it's too hard, I'll just cancel both of it and think about it some other time.

Another situation is for example when I was cooking the other day, I kept on letting my hands slightly burnt or injured because of the cooking utensils.There are a few scars on both of my hands as for now. Because of this, I had a thought that if I'm someone who's better at handling things, maybe there are no scars because of cooking on my back of hands now. Ok, but that was before. As I'm writing this I just realized that I should not have that kind of thought because it's kind of 'melawan takdir'. Astaghfirullah. After all, Allah's the one that make things happen in this world.

So what I want to say is don't be like me. Just be yourself. Love and appreciate yourself. If you have similar thoughts like mine, please just erase it away from your mind quickly and say Alhamdulillah. Be grateful to Allah for who He has made you. Be grateful to Him for how perfect he has created you. Ok now that's a new tip even for myself!

Well, to be honest, I've just realized it that while having thoughts like 'I hate myself' or 'penatnya jadi Hanan' and so on, I might've been ungrateful towards the Almighty, nauzubillahiminzalik, as I wrote this entry. Okaaaayyy... Now I don't even know why and what I really want to say about kun anta in the first place hmmmm...Meh.

Till then :)

[am feeling a bit melancholic. Maybe because this year's Ramadhan is coming to an end in 2 days.]